Report Back

Well hello! I apologize for not posting in a while, my life for the past two months has been extremely busy, but also filled with adventures and stories I wouldn't trade for the world. I have so much to tell and I can't fit everything into a single post, but bear with me because this one might be a long one. 

We made it back from East Timor and Indonesia. What incredible countries they both are. I definitely left a piece of my heart there when I left, and the impacts the people I met made on me are ones I'll never be able to replace. The children and people are beautiful. They have the most loving gaze, and all they want is to be loved, to be paid attention to, to be known and to be cherished. I see how people treat them as outcasts, I see how the prideful and arrogant people of this world see them as worthless, sick or unimportant. The way the people live in the village we stayed at is different, but they matter. They're still here on this earth going day by day doing the best that they can. Some of the children are sick with skin irritations, hurting because they don't have access to medicine, and all the little ones run around naked exposing themselves to the same diseases everyone else has. But I see the beauty God still sees in them. And the children are playful and so thankful. And the adults do all that they can for them. But there are people in the world who see these beings as nothing but worthless. It's hard to accept everyone for who they are, and it's hard to always have patience for all you meet, but one thing I've gotten better at, is meeting people exactly where they're at and loving them unconditionally in that very moment. The best feeling, or one of the best at least, is feeling like you matter, like you are well-liked, appreciated or that your life is worth something to someone. Leaving someone feeling the opposite of that, what's the point? What is the reason behind criticism or judgement? Why is it some peoples missions to put others down? No one person is more important than another. What I can take away from East Timor, is that everyone is truly created equal. We were all put here, we all go to bed every night worrying about the same things, dealing with different kinds of insecurities, waking up living every day in hopes of it being a good one, wondering if people will like us or care about us, trying to make it through the day without failure and simply trying to make sense of this life. We all have a story, some very different from others, but no matter how different, all emotion, and all pain hurts the heart of every person just the same. We'll all experience pain differently, but loss, abandonment, fear, loneliness, rejection, it all hurts exactly the same. But God bears that pain on His shoulders. And what really amazes me about Jesus, something we hear constantly but don't always comprehend is that He loves ALL in the world. He loves the bullies, the abusers, the murderers, the ISIS members, the school shooters, the deformed, the disabled, the outcasts, the terrorists, the prisoners, the lost, the broken etc., Jesus sees them all, and holds their hearts in the palms of His hands. How easy it is for us to hate the people who bring terror, for us to judge the ill or demented, and for us to look down upon those who don't fit in. It's so easy for us to point out peoples flaws, to jump to conclusions or to hate. But, how easy it is for God to love them. You might ask, "but how could God love the terrorists, or abusers, or murders of His own people?". We will never be able to understand or compare an unconditional, selfless love like that. He doesn't love their sin, but He longs for them. We were in Bali and there's one situation that I'll never forget. We were at the beach talking to a group of Indonesian guys about what we were doing here and what we've been doing the past couple months. My friend and I were talking to this one guy separately and we started asking him about what he believed in. The conversation was going well before and he seemed friendly, so we thought it wouldn't hurt. He kind of laughed and said, "If you girls are Christians, then you don't want to know what I believe in". But we told him we wanted to know, that we respect his opinion and we just want to hear it. So he said, "Alright I warned you", and He began to get really angry. He started cursing at God, yelling and making a big scene about how if God is real then He'll spite him right then and there. The rest of our group got involved, trying to calm him down and also explain things to him, but he just continued to look up at the sky and yell and curse at God. He didn't allow us room to speak and if we did get a word in he'd interrupt us with more cursing. Towards the end of his rant, he looked at us and said, "You are the poison of the world, if I had my gun on me I would shoot every single one of you". I had never experienced something like that before. To see such brokenness in someones life, and such a bitterness towards the God I find so much hope and love in. And there was nothing about that experience in which I felt scared, but only sadness. A beautiful example for me of how strong, and how deep Gods love runs. That He loves that man, who cursed and mocked His name so violently and publicly, and that He loves Him so desperately. And as difficult as it is for us to wrap our heads around a love like that, I am so happy my God is like that. That He loves those people we have such a hard time loving. God has taught me to love all. To love in this world the way He can. THAT should be our mission in life. And there should be nothing about that that is shameful, there should be nothing about that we shouldn't strive for. I am not sure there is anything worse than causing those who God made and sent His own son to die for to question whether God loves them. Gods ability to love exceeds amounts our minds aren't even capable of understanding. Who are we to leave anyone with any different kind of impression?

I step back and think about all the things my world revolved around back at home, and then I think about all that I was surrounded with in East Timor. I feel so thankful and also ashamed. We think an easy life, should be given to us. We sometimes feel like we deserve all that we have and even more. The life I live at home, the world I've grown up in, as privileged and as grateful as I am, that is not at all how everyone lives. Poverty is real, it's almost worse than you can imagine because you don't understand that this life isn't temporary for some people. I hate to admit it but there were times I got really frustrated and I just asked God why. Why is there poverty, why do these people have to live like this, what is so awful in this mans life that has caused him to curse your name like this? But there is sin in the world. And there is no real explanation. But why does God need an explanation for everything He does? This is HIS world, HE created all of it, it is not ours. He could just as easily ask us why there is poverty, or why we act the way we do, treat people the way we do, or allow people to live in such a state of penury or depression. We are in no place to demand answers from God until we ourselves start trying to make His world the place in which He intended it to look like. He owes us nothing. And if you are ever questioning Gods wonders, decisions or plans, remember how He gave His son. We don't need any more proof.

Being immersed in an entirely different culture and experiencing new people was eye opening and soul awakening for me. The love and acceptance I have found for the people of His world, and the gratefulness I have towards all the things He has given me the privilege of experiencing is a new found life for me. And gifts I only could have received from Him, and gifts only He is capable of giving. My journey here is almost over, but I will continue to expect that God wants to show me things, and use me for the rest of my life.

"He who does not love does not know God, for God IS love." 1 John 4:8